Difficult

I'm not sure where this post is gonna bring me, as I feel rather unsure about almost anything these days. At the moment I write this down, I don't even know if this post will be for publication at all.

So... is our SL a mirror of our RL? Many try to escape from the stress and worries and imperfections of RL, and I guess I am one of them. But in the many (too much?) years I past time in SL, I should have learned that this is only possible to a certain level, as basically the RL person behind the keyboard and the SL avatar have a lot in common. One can try to leave some parts of RL behind, and get a total makeover in SL, but somehow the core remains the same, with its good and bad sides.
Before you start worrying to much, what I am thinking of right now is the fact that I haven't really succeeded in throwing of my RL shyness in SL, among with some other characteristics, like the fact I can be way more stubborn than is good for me. As I think of it, maybe I'm even more stubborn in SL than in RL...

Also... it's not always possible to shed off all RL stress before entering SL, no matter how hard we try. It crawls under our skin and sneaks into our avatar, rendering us less the Heavenly Creatures we're supposed to be.

Okay, it's getting difficult now.

If you would think of SL as a game (like some n00bs do, asking what's the goal to achieve and so on, hehe) I can't suppress the feeling mine is getting close to a "Game Over". There have been some frictions recently, and although I think we're getting along now, I'm kinda not sure anymore what my place is in our lovely family, if any. I think I miss someone like Pike. Someone who is at my side when I need them, a partner (in crime or not). You'd think I should have gotten over Pike by now, I mean how long it is she hasn't really been on when I am regularly? And maybe I am, I have no idea how things would go between us if by some magic she would return to my SL evenings. But I realize now I haven't got over falling alone. My shyness turns in here: replacing the love of your SL is not as simple as going to one of these places where people go to stare at each other and read profiles in silence, it takes more... some luck, some serendipity, some sparks,... some courage maybe to take those first steps and say "hi!"
Finding the place with the right kind of people would only be one thing to increase chances. Knowing what I am looking for exactly would help too. Am I looking for a sub (an Ehesklavin as Mistress Dio would call it), that I won't be able to take care off if I feel too subby myself? Been there, done that!
Or... am I looking for someone more dominating who understands and shares my particular kinks? Now that would become a messy conflict with my beloved family! Not to forget that requires me to know what exactly those kinks of mine are...

It's true I won't get anywhere if I stay on our family island. I tried to go roam and make some new friends before. I managed somehow. But mostly I just get lonely roaming the sims of SL on my own. And then I return home to search the comfort of this family and those friends I don't want to loose, as that would be a "Game Over" for sure!

-=xXx=-