The issue with male avatars

 This is not an easy subject..

I've recently been walking around in SL with keys on cuffs, hoping to get grabbed and played with, quite desperate, maybe too desperate. 

Fact: wearing a dark opaque catsuit doesn't help, a transparent one does. 

So, suddenly I got 'grabbed'... by a male avatar. Males are not my preferred play mates for several reasons, but... desperate me and regarding his SL age one could assume some experience, so why not give him a chance? He also didn't look like a meat bull ready for the slaughter house, if you know what I mean, so one could hope for some intellect.
But oh dear! Before I got the chance to even start a chat about expectations and stuff, I was fully gagged and my IM were completely (!) blocked. No chance even to point him to my profile, where it says that's not to my liking. However, I had been locked and put in a cell finally, so I held my complains to myself (not that I had much choice, except the "cheat out of RLV" choice, which I really, really hate) and decided to give it a week or so. Not seen this man on since.

After a couple of days, while silently waiting in my isolation cell, not even hearing chat around me, another male tried to IM me. Blocked IM's could be a bliss, I thought, but no, somehow he knew a way to bypass the limitations my cell forced on my RLV relay, and he broke into my IM and world. And before I even knew, I was TP-ed out - abducted - from this cell I was still silently hoping my first captor to show up and free me from.
Things only got worse from then. This second man was convinced I was going to be his property and slave, and nothing I said could make him see this was not going to happen. Nothing.

Result: me locked in another cell, slightly less isolated, but now with gear locked by two different males. And no - realistic - timers set, as far as I could tell. 

Only difference : male #2 did not disappear, but returned as often as he was on, each time telling me he wanted to control me completely, hold all of my keys. And each time I told him this was not going to happen, and asked, demanded him to unlock whatever he had locked on me. To no avail.

This resulted in the only option left, the one I hate so much : cheating out of RLV.

I tried to be open, give them a chance to prove me they can be sensitive and fun playing with as well, but the sad result is it'll be even harder now for any male avatar to be accepted or trusted by me. 
I still don't care what colour or sex or whatever is the person behind the keyboard, and honestly, I even prefer not to read that in a profile, but my first criterium from now on will be a F/X avatar. 

The long way back

I have been away from SL again for many many months, and as it was a ... painful exit, it's not a very easy return either. At some points, I thought I was gone for good, and I think the friends in SL also had that thought. At least I hope they did have some thoughts about me.

I'm not going to talk about my exit or what happened before, but skip immediately to my way back.

For starters, why is there a way back anyway? Why not leave the dying world of SL forever? It's way over its high, and apart from some graphic improvements over the years (requiring a new computer and a better graphic card sometimes), there hasn't been any serious innovation for the very long time I have been visiting. Not that I have the hardware for it, but 3D doesn't seem to be for tomorrow, does it?

I think the people who stay - and I guess I belong to that category - find something there they can't achieve in their first life, like shiny latex and tight restrictions. Yes I know, it exists in RL as well, but just like owning and sailing a big yacht, visiting an alien space station, growing horns or lekku, there might be some impediments in the way.

But I'm diverting from my way back...

While I deep inside still long to be restricted and bound, I feel something is broken and I'm just not ready yet (or anymore?) to let whatever stranger on my way capture me. As I stated last week (or so), right now I don't feel anything, neither Domme or sub. 

That was last week. 

Meanwhile I have been walking around in some mysterious outfit, a tight black catsuit with a (not extremely tight) corset, high boots of course, and a mysterious mouth mask (to protect me from computer virusses, hehe). 

As you can see on the picture, I completed my look with some dark sclera contacts, because dark sunglasses are not that practical in combination with the mask. 

All together this look is to reflect the dark emptiness that's still inside me, and it's okay for me if it's rather mysterious as well. Unintentionally, it must also look dominant somehow, as there have been nights where I was like drowned with IM's of submissives inviting me to lock them up. 

Feeling neither D or s, most of the time I am just hanging around a bit at that "storage place", occasionally responding when being spoken to, or taking part in some teasing of the stored "goods". 

Yesterday it happened I lured a girl into a cell, and played a bit with the toys she had attached. Quite fun, and it helps to gain back my self confidence, but oh dear how I wished someone would grab the key of my cuffs and do a similar thing to me! Of course, I would need to wear my toys first for that to happen, but guess what, slowly I'm finding back the courage to take that risk.