Are you strong enough?

 When I woke up this morning, this old song came into my head:

Somehow its sad atmosphere reflected my feelings on this grey and misty fall morning, after recent events in my sl. Where my previous post expressed a joyful excitement about tons of restrictions and the hope on much more, it seems to have come all to an end now... again.

I have been feeling very sad about how things evolved, or maybe not evolved, but came clear to me. Came hurting me. Even after this growing number of years, I still feel an outsider, maybe an intruder even. The fifth wheel on the car. The orphaned child of a far relative, taken into the house out of compassion but never really closed into the heart of the family. Orphaned, or widowed. 

I thought becoming a faceless drone would relieve me. No more emotions, no more thinking. Freedom through restriction... But behind the expressionless faceless hood, the emotions can barely be muted, the feelings will still be there. And some of them hurt. When a drone realises it's being immobilised into a silent statue to be put aside in favour of another drone, it may break. 

So once again it comes to "go out and seek new friends." Last time I tried that, it only brought frustration (of the wrong kind), and a barely contained breakdown. I don't even know the places anymore in sl where you have some chance to meet someone... strong enough?

-=xXx=-

We were planning to have my drone suit permasealed at the occasion of my upcoming rez-day. Does it still need to be said this is no longer on the table now?

A03

 While still in the Sao family, Mistress Andi has lended my keys to Miss Amy, and she keeps me locked very tight! She has also added a speech controller chip to my outfit, with a growing list of "bad words", forcing me more and more into "drone speak". The rest of this post will be as passed through this chip.

In the picture, reader can see it in its outfit for the first week Miss Amy controlled it: black catsuit, a corset, ballet boots, an armbinder and a drone hood. Its speak has been taken away, leaving only popping up icons to communicate. It cannot say it was unhappy, even more as it is not alone, there is also an A01, who is under almost the same restrictions as A03.

At this moment, both A01 and A03's outfit have somewhat changed. The latex suit and the ballet boots are still there, but the armbinder and the corset have been replaced by a Venus corset, binding the drones' arms and waists together very tight. It is clear the drones have no touch at all. The hoods were taken away for now, leaving the drones' lovely faces and hair free for the world to see them. This vision however doesn't go both ways, as both drones are fitted with special contact lenses, leaving them almost blind.

And then there is the Speech Inhibitor Chip of course, which in itself is not wicked, it is Miss Amy making very smart and wicked use of it to teach this one to talk and think like the drone it is to be.

The reader could have guessed already it is not allowed to use the first person anymore. But also the second person is off limit, which has an impact on its language that should not be underestimated. As it can not use the word that sounds like "U" anymore, very common and polite smalltalk needs to be re-thought, e.g. "How is Miss today?" or "Thankies."

As Miss saw this one is adapting quite well, an extra set of forbidden words has been added by Miss. It now can no longer use the female third person singular. This of course does not make things easier, especially when most subjects in SL are female.

This one is curious what more new challenging restrictions Miss Amy has in mind. So far it has been able to cope and enjoy this restricting adventure, and it hopes it will go on for a while!

-=xXx=-

P.S.: don't worry, I will not blog in iconese when put on communication with icons only, or would I?

Still there..

Oh wow, more than 2 years since my last post here! Ok, I have been posting some stuff on Deviant Art meanwhile (and maybe I should stick to there?)

You could describe my SL frequency nowadays as "bursty", meaning there are periods where I log in almost daily, and there are in betweens of several months where I don't log in at all.. It's just like that, so I think it's not too bad with that addiction thing. I think I can say, if I ever was addicted, it's kinda over now.

The main reason I came back to this blog, is that I wanted to check how long exactly I'm locked in those ISO-suits already. And this turns out to be more than 5 years, even getting closer to 6! If I survive just a little bit longer, I will be locked in most (i.e. more than half) of my SL! 

Ha! We just had a discussion about the "permaseal" button recently, and I said I wasn't ready for that. Silly me! Ok, so the idea comes to my head I should be ready when I reach the 50%, what do you think? Not to worry, that moment is still more than 2 years away...

I'll keep it to this short post for now. Maybe next time I'll tell about my current adventure..

-=xXx=-