Sounds familiar...

When I saw this I thought of Mistress...

Kisses, Danii

Remember, remember, the 5th of November!

Hehehe, I didn't know my adoption day by my beloved Mistresses Diomita & Jenny would cause such a firework in London!
Actually, since I am still on kind of a break on SL, I hadn't even noticed it was my adoption day until I read it on the Maurer family blog. I wonder if I would have noticed much of it if I had been logged on, as I have been kept pretty isolated and restricted lately. ^^

I'm not forgetting you, my sl family and friends! And of course I hope you're not forgetting me either..

I should log in one of these days!

Kisses,
Danii

Just a picture...

Hmmmm, I haven't felt like writing about my Skyrim adventures yet, but it's still very interesting, so maybe soon....

Meanwhile a little pic from tonight in good ol' SL.. Mistresses Dio and Jenny collected a whole set of (un)willing submissives to chain to Sarah's patio's wall - they managed to get all six rings occupied! - and then started dancing in front of us all. I thought that was worth a picture. 

On a technical point of view: the Depth of Field focusses on where my mouse pointer is, but then how do I click the snapshot button? 

But this is how SL (can) look now, on the highest graphics setting.

-=xXx=-

Unpredicted consequences of a new computer

Hi there!

I know, I know it's been way too long again I've been giving a sign of life here, but that can only mean I was busy enough otherwise to have time for blogging, right?

Anyway...

As my good friends in SL know, not too long ago I bought a new laptop, with a very decent graphics card, to be able to see what's going on in SL more clearly. Switching back to a windows machine when you are used to the intuitiveness and user friendliness of a Mac, hurts. I really does!
But windows users won't understand this, and Mac users don't understand why I bought a windows (8) computer. In a try to explain: a Mac with similar specs would cost me about twice as much, making Mac OS X a very expensive OS in fact. How could I know it was worth that price?
Also, Macs aren't the best hardware to play SL on, maybe because LL never took on developing a Mac client seriously, and only now I know what a beautiful world I have been missing for so long.
But it hurts to switch back (sorry, I'm repeating myself), and I'm quite sure I will keep using my Mac for everyday computing tasks.

Okay, so I'm at beautiful graphics and a decent framerate now, opening my eyes a lot in SL. Less need for my eternal glasses even!

But...

(there must be a but, not?)

This PC unexpectedly (well....) also opened opportunities to other "worlds". Let's face it: most games, in particular those with some serious graphics requirements, simply aren't available for OS X. But now, they suddenly are within my reach, and here, my friends, is the most important reason I wasn't seen in SL recently.

Long time ago already, this video caught my attention:

I'm quite of a fan of Lindsey Stirling's music and videos, and this one brought me in touch with the world of "Skyrim", leaving me very curious about this "third life"
So finally in the possession of hardware able to open the doors to this world for me, I stepped into the Wardrobe, only to be absorbed by it and not finding my way back to SL for a while. To all family and friends missing me and maybe a bit worried about me not showing up without any warning for so long: I'm sorry.

This being said, I'm far from done exploring Skyrim, and after all those years in SL, it really is a welcome variation. So I'll continue my break from SL for some more time.

Maybe I can write some blogs about my - or my avatar's - adventures in Skyrim? Would you like to read?

It is of course a whole other experience, as it's not an online virtual world where you meet other RL people's avatars, but basically a game world that's populated only by AI characters, or "bots" as they would be called in SL. However those bots are far more intelligent than any bot I've seen in SL, and they show more life than many avatars in SL! I'm thinking about the SM places in SL now. Stand & Model of course, or what were you thinking??? ;-)

And for the graphics, just have a look at this:

Yes, this is what the graphics look like! I have no idea how many "prims" you would need in SL for this...

To end this post: what would you think about some posts about:

 "The adventures of Kaya in Skyrim" ?

-= Danii / Kaya =-

Difficult

I'm not sure where this post is gonna bring me, as I feel rather unsure about almost anything these days. At the moment I write this down, I don't even know if this post will be for publication at all.

So... is our SL a mirror of our RL? Many try to escape from the stress and worries and imperfections of RL, and I guess I am one of them. But in the many (too much?) years I past time in SL, I should have learned that this is only possible to a certain level, as basically the RL person behind the keyboard and the SL avatar have a lot in common. One can try to leave some parts of RL behind, and get a total makeover in SL, but somehow the core remains the same, with its good and bad sides.
Before you start worrying to much, what I am thinking of right now is the fact that I haven't really succeeded in throwing of my RL shyness in SL, among with some other characteristics, like the fact I can be way more stubborn than is good for me. As I think of it, maybe I'm even more stubborn in SL than in RL...

Also... it's not always possible to shed off all RL stress before entering SL, no matter how hard we try. It crawls under our skin and sneaks into our avatar, rendering us less the Heavenly Creatures we're supposed to be.

Okay, it's getting difficult now.

If you would think of SL as a game (like some n00bs do, asking what's the goal to achieve and so on, hehe) I can't suppress the feeling mine is getting close to a "Game Over". There have been some frictions recently, and although I think we're getting along now, I'm kinda not sure anymore what my place is in our lovely family, if any. I think I miss someone like Pike. Someone who is at my side when I need them, a partner (in crime or not). You'd think I should have gotten over Pike by now, I mean how long it is she hasn't really been on when I am regularly? And maybe I am, I have no idea how things would go between us if by some magic she would return to my SL evenings. But I realize now I haven't got over falling alone. My shyness turns in here: replacing the love of your SL is not as simple as going to one of these places where people go to stare at each other and read profiles in silence, it takes more... some luck, some serendipity, some sparks,... some courage maybe to take those first steps and say "hi!"
Finding the place with the right kind of people would only be one thing to increase chances. Knowing what I am looking for exactly would help too. Am I looking for a sub (an Ehesklavin as Mistress Dio would call it), that I won't be able to take care off if I feel too subby myself? Been there, done that!
Or... am I looking for someone more dominating who understands and shares my particular kinks? Now that would become a messy conflict with my beloved family! Not to forget that requires me to know what exactly those kinks of mine are...

It's true I won't get anywhere if I stay on our family island. I tried to go roam and make some new friends before. I managed somehow. But mostly I just get lonely roaming the sims of SL on my own. And then I return home to search the comfort of this family and those friends I don't want to loose, as that would be a "Game Over" for sure!

-=xXx=-

Oh no... please...

Sigh...
It looks like my laptop's power supply stopped powering. So I guess I'll have to replace it - the power supply, not the laptop, although I'd like that too.. - and that will take a couple of days.


Danii Szydlowska... is currently unavailable. Please leave a message after the beep.

*BEEEEEEEEEEEEP*

Bertolt Brecht

The world however did not wait  
But soon observed what followed on.  
It's fear of Mistress that brought her to this state, 
how fortunate the girl with none.

free after Bertolt Brecht (or Dead Can Dance, if you want)

What came after the ponygirl

You might be wondering what Mistress had in mind for me after my ponygirl adventure, as I already hinted some posts ago. Also, form my last post it was clear she wasn't planning on relaxing much on my restrictions, keeping me trapped in the RF body corset I put on for the Friday night party.

Okay, if you thought my pony regime was though, or my HuMare time was a hard time, what I'm put in now might beat it all.

Mistress made me into a Bubble Plaything. As you can read in the SL Fetish Fashion Guide, there is a 96 hours "training period", which with my online times, means I'll be helpless in this suit for months. I was already used to have no touch, and even no names, but now a lot more restrictions are added, like no maps and no inventory.
But the worst of all are the communication restrictions, as I am unable to communicate anyhow in chat: no talking, and no emotes. The only thing I can do is use the ponygirl yes/no stamps, with my now heelless ballet boots - which make me wonder why no more ballet boots in SL have at least the option to hide the heels, it's sexy. To add on that, I also can't start IM, so I have to wait till someone has the idea of IMing me.

This might not sound so impressive after some of my previous restrictive outfits, as right now my hearing or vision are not affected at all. But let me tell you how these restrictions work together...

No names means no nearby people information either, and no maps means also this lovely little minimap with green dots is gone. So when I log on on our island, and I'm not as lucky as to see some people nearby, all I can do is walk around hoping to meet someone, which of course I don't as it seems the family is often roaming abroad nowadays. But I have no idea where, as I don't have maps. Not that they let me see their location anyway. But because I can't start IM, I can't say hi and ask where they are either...

All I can do is roam around and hope someone starts an IM to me.

Of course, as long as Mistress is not calling for me, and me being excused from greeting her because not able to, this gives me time to roam around SL and explore new places. But with no touch a lot of doors and teleporters stay closed, and with no chat or emotes getting to know new people is almost impossible. With banes being commonly known in SL, not much people try to start an IM to someone who looks like one.

During my pony training I was rather isolated from daily family life too, but there was the training I had to concentrate on. But now... I am starting to feel a little left out. I accepted this challenge in my wish to be a good sub and obey my Mistress unconditionally, but I somehow assumed this Bubble Plaything was going to be played with.

And of course, SL itself is adding to all this too, with a roll back almost resetting the harsh 96 hours timer to its very beginning.


Those 96 hours might become a looooong and lonely time, as I see it now. I promised to not log on to reduce the counter AFK as long as I can stand it, but don't know how much longer I will be standing it. I long for my family, and I'm afraid to alienate from them if I'm kept isolated from them too much.

-=xXx=-

The end of the Pony Girl Adventure

After about 2 months, I have been released from my strict pony restraints, my training is finished now. It has been a good time and a great experience, and I want to thank my trainer Arka for the time and the effort she put in my training, I hope it has been fun for you too. Of course I also want to thank Mistress Dio and Jenny for allowing this training, the rest of the family for the support, and not to forget Arka's lover for having to miss Arka so many training time.

So you think I'm free to move around now?
Not exactly, I'm afraid. For those who know about the Friday night parties on our island: they usually have a theme and a dressing code, and last Friday, we were told to go tightly packed and restrained in latex. So I did dig up my old RF Body Corset, and had myself TP-ed to the party with not really a finger left to move, even gagged and blindfolded. I didn't stuff my ears as I wanted to hear the music still. My dancing was a little limited, though.

But it was a trap! It seemed I was about the only one with restrictions the name worthy, and of course Mistress took advantage of my situation and is keeping me locked in the body corset since!

I can't deny I'm liking it though... 

Pony girl exams?

What do you think about this? 

In this picture, I am pulling a cart blindfolded, with my trainer Miss Arka holding the reins and my Mistress Dio sitting next to her as a passenger. It looks a bit like a driving exam, and maybe it was.

Thing is I wasn't even aware of Mistress being present that day, I only got to know it when I got the picture. But dear, that was a nice surprise! I felt so happy!
And as I didn't know, I also wasn't nervous or something. However I'm not sure this was my best ride ever, as the RL me was very tired and my reaction times must have been awful. And being a good blindfold pony has got everything to do with reacting accurately to the rein commands, as they are the only information you got about what to do. Maybe that's the reason Arka has turned out so pale? ^^

Mistress would like to see me give a demonstration on the dressage court too, and I'll certainly be more nervous about that one, as I still suck on it. And as I can't do the exercises blindfolded, I will see when there are spectators. Of course, when Arka takes off my glasses, like she does sometimes, I might not notice them. But as I wrote before I can barely see the lines and poles without my glasses, so my performance would be even more clumsy.

It also looks like other family members and friends are volunteering to take a scary cart ride by the blinded pony, so I take it my long time dream isn't over yet. I wonder what Argi would look like when she turns pale!? I hope they take pictures if that happens, as I won't be able to see.. ^^

-=Whinnies=-

More strict pony training

Whiiihihiiiiii!!

I'm still being kept locked very strictly as a pony girl and trained by Miss Arka, and still enjoying. However I think my training will be finished somewhere soon, as I think I made good progress, almost as much progress reasonably can be expected from this clumsy pony.

Miss Arka puts my blindfold on regularly now to pull the cart, and it goes on every time I am put in my stall now. I have no clue about the world and people around me when in my stall now, being blind and mostly deaf. And gagged with my bit of course. After the short break we introduced a week ago, I fixed some issues with my earphone script I wrote about last time, making me even more restricted: when my earphones are on now - and they are on - I can't see names or locations now, and neither can I start IM conversations myself. So when when logging on in my stall, I simply have to wait until someone passes by. It makes my pony isolation even better, and as strict as the HuMare's. Except for the tiny eyeholes the HuMare's got, but I'm happy with my blinkers.
As a surplus there still are my glasses I'm depending on to see. Last week Miss Arka took them of to make me do some dressage training. Oh dear that was a challenge! Nearsighted a pony as I am, I could barely see the lines and the dots and the slalom poles, and sometimes I just lost my beloved trainer out of view in the blur, having to squint around and guess where she went! But hard can be fun too.

So what's the picture here? What are these restrictions being about? I think it's all about giving up control and becoming dependent on other people. About trusting them to care for you. Even without you being able to communicate with them.
Am I getting close to my sis QT with this? I still don't see the appeal of being kept as she is, but I suppose I won't finish experimenting with restrictions after this pony adventure...

Mistress Dio even revealed what could be my next restrictive outfit already ;-)

-=xXx=-

Whinnies of a pony girl

I'm sorry I've been to absorbed by me being a pony, I haven't got to post here since...

But yes, finally the wish I made when winning that greedy game is coming true, as I am a restricted poygirl now. For some weeks already. And for some weeks to come too...

Arka is doing a great job training me, the clumsy pony. Oh, she says I mustn't say that, as it's mainly caused by my RL hardware (aka computer) not very suited to run SL in a performant way. But as my (SL) performance is determined by my RL hardware and the person behind the keyboard - which I don't know, of course - I am a (SL) clumsy avatar.
Anyway, this post is not meant for whining about those things..

So... here's us. I bet you can guess which one is me, and which one is Arka. Never seen a pony with glasses before? Well, I still need them to see. My world is very blurry without them. Arka sometimes removes them to let me pull my cart - also on the picture - without them. Of course that makes me miss a turn sometimes, as I can only vaguely see what's ahead, left alone estimating distances correctly!

For those concerned: I am wearing a KDC bridle and bit, with blinkers so my peripheral vision is rather limited, and my speech is hard to understand. Not that I am supposed to speak a lot, of course. Ponies make pony noises, and stomp with their hooves.
My ears are also covered, deafening me almost completely. I wrote my own "pony hearing" script especially for that. It has a very limited list of (French) dressage commands, and only sentences containing at least one of these words, or my pony name, reach my ears, but not before getting muffled a bit. So if you are careful, you can do a lot of backtalking about me while standing next to me, without me getting a clue you are even talking! So don't be surprised I'm not reacting to chat a lot. Be careful with emotes though, as ponies like me can very well se them!
The rest of my outfit is mainly MD: the boots, the hoof mittens, the tail and the suit. I had everything updated from a waaaay too old version before we started, so I had to learn walking in those boots again. And the mittens of course efficiently prevent me from touching anything. It wouldn't be the same without that!

You could read in my previous posts the desired goal of my pony training is pulling a cart blindfolded, so now more and more, Arka not only takes off my (MoDesign) glasses, she also blindfolds me. Of course then I don't see at all, and I have to concentrate fully on the commands she gives through my reins (made by Marine Kelley, just like my cart). I am sure this is hard for my beloved trainer also, as she has to steer me very carefully, anticipating my reaction times and sometimes also lag. She must be really afraid sometimes, sitting on a cart pulled by a blind clumsy pony. And yes, we have ended in a ditch sometimes...

But it's fun, and I think we're making progress as a pony carting team.

Marine's carts have their own steering scripts, which are way better than the (free) vehicle script - or something based on it - you find in most carts, and vehicles in general, in SL. It's not perfect though, especially on slopes it's hard to work with. On our home island, which is never really flat, it's a disaster to keep the cart in one place. So we do the cart training at FFF mostly.

For the dressage part of my training on the other hand, Mistress and Jenny created a training ground on our island, where we can train in private, and the family can visit and watch when they want. The earmuffs then really help me concentrate.
The dressage is not the best side of this clumsy pony, and not making the desired progress is frustrating sometimes, but my trainer is patient and knows by now I'll never be a dressage champion...

As it fits a pony, after the training I am put in my stall to rest. Actually, it's Dana's stall, as Mistress didn't find the time to overpaint the name. But that's no problem, as ponies are not supposed to read, are they? Especially not when blindfolded, as my eyes are being covered when stalled now. I try to use my senses of smell and (muffled) hearing to tell if someone passes by, and to know whom it might be. Argi is the one spoiling me with carrots and apples and cuddles when she passes by, I can recognise her sweet exotic perfume easily. ^^

I wish to express my thankful whinnies to Mistress and the family for letting me live this adventure, and especially to my trainer Arka for spending all this time training me. And her lover Nirvana too for patiently waiting and watching us..

-=Whinnies=-

Looking forward

It's probably time for another post, as people are starting to think I'm still suffering a terrible burnout. And yes, it was quite a burnout. Life is not easy. I did not specify which life, indeed. But this blog goes only about SL, so anyway...

At last a pony trainer volunteered!

You must forgive me I can't keep track of all of the Maurer family connections, but Arka, or Arkahelle, is somehow connected to our family, and she wants to give me a French dressage training. Oui oui...
As the training has not officially started yet, I'm still to discover how that will be, for now we have been selecting my pony outfit, updating where needed, sorting out keys and locks, and so on. I even have been writing a simple script for a customized "pony hearing". This script will restrict my hearing in a way I will only be able to hear and understand what a pony girl should hear and understand. As you can read in one of my previous posts it will not be complete for me if I'm not restricted enough. It's a bit of a compromise though, as Arka as a trainer also has her wishes. But we manage to define the set up very well, and also important: we take care of keeping it minimal, to avoid lag.
Mistress and Jenny even have installed a dressage training circuit on our island, so maybe other ponies will be trained there later on. Dana?

I think Arka is going to do a great job training me, and although I long for the heavy restrictions and the strict training, I have to admit it makes me a little bit nervous too. But hey, I survived the huMare treatment last year, and there won't be thousands of boring laps to run now! ^^

-=whinnies=-

Burnt out?

I can't say my wish is getting fulfilled. Apart from the not really successful start with the pony trainer my family contacted for me, I haven't seen her online recently - but of course RL always comes first - she has not been in the mood, or has been too busy with some girls she had adducted shortly before.

Having to wait a little is not the problem. But I couldn't help getting rather bored and frustrated by the nothingness of the in between time. First of all I was already tacked up completely to be a pony girl, with among others my favorite RF bondage mittens locked on me, preventing me to touch things. 

You could wonder why this was a problem, as I'm known to like that kind of restrictions. Maybe it was more the pony suit and the head harness that bothered me. After all what's the point in being locked in a pony outfit while not being treated as one?

It was more the treatment I did get that was working on my nerves. Or should I say the treatment I didn't get? I was mainly being told to sit aside and watch, and I was feeling greatly ignored.

It's a fact Mistress Dio has a lot of subs to attend, I guess that's because great Mistresses simply attract a lot of subs. And of course she wants to spend enough time with her partner Jenny, which is completely normal and justified. 

It's also a fact she isn't much into the pony thing, nor into the bane-like things, nor into the latex doll things,… and I'm not into the whipping thing, nor in the getting fucked with a strap-on thing. And especially not in the house cleaning thing, I got RL for that, although that's not with a duster gag.

So…. am I getting a déjà-vu, where I want to stick with the Mistress and the family I love, but where I long for new horizons and new strict hands to hold my keys (or reins, whatever) ?

Problem with that is good mistresses are rare in SL, and most of them respect other ownerships very well so they won't easily agree to play with me, an owned brat. That's also a main reason why I relied on my family to find me a good pony trainer or whatever. Another reason being they know much more people they could possibly ask.

The trigger was somehow pulled by the events yesterday night, where I first felt ignored again for long enough, and of course answered in that sense when I was finally asked how I felt. That however triggered a not so well thought reaction, where Mistress Dio simply decided Argi, who has absolutely no feeling or interest in pony stuff, was going to be my trainer, and was going to be trained at that by… me?!

Now that was one bridge too far. Although it already takes away half of the fun if I have to tell someone how to domme me - called topping from the bottom - it gets even worse if they have no feeling or experience, or even interest, to do it. And I'm not blaming sweet Argi at all, she felt completely the same about it!

Next thing was I pulled the plug. Yes, I was pissed. I simply asked Dio to unlock all the stuff locked on me, and I barely had enough self control not to get her to unlock my collar too. But as I said I still love my family, and I don't want to loose those good friends.

I needed a break. Unwind a bit, relax somehow. Argi kept me company. I'm grateful to her. She's afraid of the tight restrictions I'm into though. 

My break isn't over yet. Maybe I will cut my online times for a while. And when online, I will go visit other places than our home island and DaD. Exploring, meeting other folks, eventually being kidnapped, seduced, or otherwise engaged in new adventures…

Except of course when this pony trainer returns and kidnaps me to turn me into her cart pulling pony girl ;-)

I need a change. And I hope my family won't drop me for this.

xXx