The long way back

I have been away from SL again for many many months, and as it was a ... painful exit, it's not a very easy return either. At some points, I thought I was gone for good, and I think the friends in SL also had that thought. At least I hope they did have some thoughts about me.

I'm not going to talk about my exit or what happened before, but skip immediately to my way back.

For starters, why is there a way back anyway? Why not leave the dying world of SL forever? It's way over its high, and apart from some graphic improvements over the years (requiring a new computer and a better graphic card sometimes), there hasn't been any serious innovation for the very long time I have been visiting. Not that I have the hardware for it, but 3D doesn't seem to be for tomorrow, does it?

I think the people who stay - and I guess I belong to that category - find something there they can't achieve in their first life, like shiny latex and tight restrictions. Yes I know, it exists in RL as well, but just like owning and sailing a big yacht, visiting an alien space station, growing horns or lekku, there might be some impediments in the way.

But I'm diverting from my way back...

While I deep inside still long to be restricted and bound, I feel something is broken and I'm just not ready yet (or anymore?) to let whatever stranger on my way capture me. As I stated last week (or so), right now I don't feel anything, neither Domme or sub. 

That was last week. 

Meanwhile I have been walking around in some mysterious outfit, a tight black catsuit with a (not extremely tight) corset, high boots of course, and a mysterious mouth mask (to protect me from computer virusses, hehe). 

As you can see on the picture, I completed my look with some dark sclera contacts, because dark sunglasses are not that practical in combination with the mask. 

All together this look is to reflect the dark emptiness that's still inside me, and it's okay for me if it's rather mysterious as well. Unintentionally, it must also look dominant somehow, as there have been nights where I was like drowned with IM's of submissives inviting me to lock them up. 

Feeling neither D or s, most of the time I am just hanging around a bit at that "storage place", occasionally responding when being spoken to, or taking part in some teasing of the stored "goods". 

Yesterday it happened I lured a girl into a cell, and played a bit with the toys she had attached. Quite fun, and it helps to gain back my self confidence, but oh dear how I wished someone would grab the key of my cuffs and do a similar thing to me! Of course, I would need to wear my toys first for that to happen, but guess what, slowly I'm finding back the courage to take that risk.