Time for some self analysis again..
I first experienced this urgent feeling of doubt when I saw Chantal yesterday. Former Mistress Chantal...
She won't agree to this and deny it, my sis Carolin tells me not to worry, she has seen Chantal like that before. I hope Carolin is right. But it was very difficult for me, as for me, it was the first time I saw her that submissive. Was there a bell ringing that famous saturday where she submitted to me, and did I just not hear it?
My sis Queen tells me to let Chantal choose her own Path, and she is right also.
But both my sisters' support and advice doesn't take away this strange feeling.
And now what? Domme Chantal, who, although the black hair her Mistress made her wear doesn't fit her skin tone very well, is a delicious and desirable sub? There is no need for that, as I have 2 uttermost desirable and delicious subs myself. If I Domme Chantal, it would be to fullfill her needs, not mine. And because of the fun of course. But her needs seem to be very fullfilled right now...
Or do I want to turn into submission myself?
Maybe this bizarre feeling of mine is due to the realization that I am really without a Mistress' guidance right now. Yes, I think Pike being away starts to wear off on me, and although there is much to be said about her Domme qualities, she is my Mistress still. While she is gone Chantal was taking over from her, but yeah...
I've been wondering what mechanism is responsible for making either my sub or Domme side stronger. It's not just random, or tidal, like the weather or the sea, I believe.
I suspect resistance to unwanted submission has moved my balance heavily away from the sub side.
Being responsible for a girl like Syllie also feeds my Domme side. Although experiences in the past have shown that this also can make the balance go to the sub side very fast and drastically. I believe this is because seeing a girl so happily restricted in her bounds, awakens the wish to be there myself.
Conclusion?
It seems right now the D and S side in me are fighting each other heavily. None of them is ever going to win though.
It's the eternal doom of being a switch...
DS
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