Another strange week...

Oh well... as I wrote in my very short previous post, monday's session was quite disappointing in various ways, in that way even it kinda got influence on the rest of the week.

I will probably write about my new exciting sl job later, but consider last monday as my first real working day. It all went very well, until SL decided somehow to get unstable again and with some rollbacks and whatever b%llsh#t mess it all up. It's all cleared out with all people involved now, but monday night I needed the listening ear of a friend and the steady hand of my Mistress.

None of them I got, what made me log of rather upset. What in its turn, upset Mistress Chantal, and made her write in her blog about it.

Owwwwwww... house of endless discussions again, tuesday night! Although there was much silence too. I don't - and don't want to - remember everything, but at a certain moment I just left to be alone in a beautiful place, unfortunately in a slow sim and not always perfectly built. Not deserving to be that empty though.

But Chantal not sure wanting to be a Mistress still, and me having lost my faith in Pike somehow... I still feel a bit like not really knowing who my Mistress is.

Am I a too demanding sub? You always read trust is very important in a D/s relationship, and I think there is not enough of that in our house. I cannot submit completely to a Mistress I don't fully trust. A Mistress also needs to be sure and confident of herself, and certainly not ask the sub what to do, and if the subs likes what she's doing. The sub will give subtle hints if she is unhappy, at least it's what I do. And if needed there is still OOC..

But a sub must also be fun for her Mistress. RLV and compatible toys make it great for subs to experience the restrictions her Mistress places upon her, but it should be the subs choice, not the Mistress' demand. Most SL bondage toys work fine without the RLV anyway. There are exceptions of course, some applications just don't make sense without the extra RLV functionality.
Anyway, whether or not a sub uses the RLV, a Mistress should be able to trust the sub won't cheat on her. Just as a Mistress should behave as a Mistress, a sub should behave as a sub. Of course this doesn't have to be a good sub all the time! Having a perfectly good sub must be boring in the end, as Mistress would become desperate in finding a reason for punishment. But a sub not respecting her Mistress, is the worst thing that can happen to a Mistress. I think most desirable subs are the ones that are not perfect, but trying to get better, obedient, but still with a little drive of her own, maybe a little stubborn sometimes.

Oh I wish I can make Mistress happy again... and I hope Mistress will make me happy too. I want to try my best for that, but I can't help my trust was to be (re)gained.